Week 37: Let’s Buy Partey and Sack Gunner If We Want To  

At last, I hoped, a Covid-19 free topic to delve into. Transfer Deadline Day – or one of them at least.

The slightly-later-than-usual yellow framed affair was on Monday (5 October) with a finish at 11pm in England, midnight in Scotland and 00:30 if you were a bit Rueben Loftus-Cheek(y).

Of course, nothing these days can be completely corona-free as the timing and spending compared to previous windows was affected by the late start to the season. The uncertainty around fans in stadiums and reduced budgets also saw fewer transfers but the Premier League clubs still spent £1.2bn – down on last year by more than £150m, but still much higher than the other ‘top’ leagues in Europe according to Carteret Analytics.

It was also a reduced window – a transom, if you prefer to picture it – because the EFL was missing from the equation as their own window, and that in which Premier League clubs can sign EFL players, does not close for another week and a bit (16 October).

The biggest, and messiest, deal of the day was completed by Arsenal, who signed Ghanaian midfielder, Thomas Partey, from Atletico Madrid for £45.3m, upsetting the Spanish team in the process by failing to give them the courtesy of telling them. Instead, they deposited a cheque (really?) with La Liga for €50m to cover the buy-out clause in his contract, as they were obliged to do, but still. And this in the last hour of the window and despite Atletico having no interest in selling the player.

Yet amazingly, that was not the least-classiest move that Arsenal made on the day. Earlier, amid all the transfer speculation they leaked news that their mascot of 27 years, Gunnersaurus (or more accurately, the person inside – Jerry Quy) was one of 55 redundancies made by the club in a cost-cutting measure.

Yes, the club who could afford @50m for one player could only do so by getting rid (and trying to bury the news on a busy day) of a loyal member of staff – who brought joy to thousands of fans – along with 54 of his colleagues. Dinosaur costumes must be expensive.

Mesut Ozil offered to pay Jerry’s salary in order to prevent the mascot’s extinction, meaning the German international would only have £349,519.23 per week left to play with. The offer, which would remain in place until Ozil leaves the club, is under consideration.

However, there are – as yet – unconfirmed reports that the club’s hierarchy asked Ozil to replace Jerry inside the costume instead, citing that being at The Emirates on match days but not being in the playing squad were the exact skills they were looking for. He might as well do something, they argued, and he could ‘even work extra hours on Europa League nights.’ Fans have been quick to show dismay for the way the club has handled the whole affair, many stating that this ‘just isn’t the Arsenal way’.

The transfer deadline day with a difference also gave us a chance to spotlight the elite clubs and how they would react to some strong and some stuttering starts to the season. And Arsenal, incredibly, weren’t the team to come out of it in the worst light. That honour belonged to Manchester United.

For many a transfer deadline day now, the Red Devil’s fans have grown accustomed to lots of talk and little action. It usually starts with something in the media about being able to afford any players in the world, followed by weeks of negotiating (aka low-ball offers) and rejections, then a last-minute panic buy and some signings of youngsters about as useful to their plight now as a Cineworld Cinema gift voucher.

The panic-signing, rivalling Gunnersaurus in the dinosaur stakes, was twinkle-toed Uruguayan striker, Edison Cavani. At 33, he’s nowhere near at the over-the-hill stage yet, but hasn’t played for seven months, was released by PSG and had taken up ballet. He might bring the goals (although the last free-scoring Uruguayan striker that went to Old Trafford didn’t work out too well) but it’s a big risk and with the defence playing as it is, even if he scores a hat-trick in every game he plays, it still might not be enough.

United’s fans will be worried about the defensive side of things. Despite also signing left-back, Alex Telles, for £13.6m on the final day of the window (although the last full back from FC Porto that went to Old Trafford didn’t work out too well) they seemed to be crying out for reinforcements at centre-half after shipping a dozen goals in just three games. But in the end, it was too inexperienced teenage wingers that signed instead of the number one target, Jaden Sancho, and left Donny van de Beek as the club’s ‘summer’ tentpole signing at £35m.

I’ve Got No Reason To Smile

Another centre-back, Swansea’s Joe Rondon, has been recommended to United by his Welsh national team manager, Ryan Giggs, but it looks as if Spurs will now step in with an £18m bid, although don’t rule out a late counter one from Manchester United of £3.5m – plus add-ons to be paid over six years – on the afternoon of the 16th.

One international defender they did have at their disposal was Chris Smalling who ended up at Roma although United were reportedly furious at how late the Italians left it to seal the deal. Their fans might think, compared to Ed Woodward’s dealings, that concluding it two minutes before the window closes is ridiculously early.

Their failure to secure the signing of the long-pursued Sancho was down to finance, apparently, after it emerged that with the fee, wages and agent costs, a total outlay of £227m would be needed and that was too much, even for the club that can afford anyone.

More worryingly for fans, the reason that Barcelona couldn’t sign Memphis Depay from Lyon (where did they sign him from again?) was because Ousmane Dembele refused to leave for…Manchester United, who wanted to loan rather than buy outright. Later reports suggested Dembele thinks he can do a lot better anyway and is hoping Juventus come in for him in January.

Watford also rejected United’s bid for Ismaila Sarr because it was also a loan not a transfer. Of course, that one might still happen but if this was a transfer window to get United’s fans onside and forgetting the 1-6 humbling at Old Trafford by former boss, Jose Mourinho’s Spurs, then this was not it. Manchester United fans have not been slow in showing their rage.

Away from transfers, it was rumoured that the club’s top brass had contacted Mauricio Pochettino in case they sack Ole Gunnar Solskjaer. Presumably, that’s what Woodward was doing on Monday night. He might want to consider contacting an alchemist instead.

While the former ‘Big Two’ Premier League heavyweights were losing face, friends and mascots, the other clubs around them seemed to fare a lot better.

Spurs, already flying after scoring 13 goals in four days, have added striker Vinicius and Joe Hart to their squad as back-ups, as well as Matt Doherty from Wolves, Sergio Reguilon from Real Madrid and Pierre-Emile Hojbjerg from Southampton, who is already gobbling up all the best Opta-stats. And the biggest name of all, Gareth Bale, will soon be back from the injury that’s temporarily delayed the start of his second coming.

Surprise leaders, Everton, have also invested well with James Rodriguez looking an absolute steal and helping striker, Dominic Calvert-Lewin, to look like a brand new signing too.

Currently in second, also with a 100% record, Aston Villa seem to have had the most transformative window with the signings of Ollie Watkins (perfect hat-trick already against Liverpool) and Ross Barkley (should have had a hat-trick against Liverpool) as well as keeping Jack Grealish – linked throughout the summer with Manchester United – on a new contract.

The other three teams, along with United, in the 2019/20 top four have all reinforced their squads too. Champions, Liverpool, have added quality in midfield and attack and although it looked on Sunday like they’d abandoned defending altogether, that was surely a blip.

Manchester City have tried to finally replace Vincent Company by signing Ruben Dias (Benfica) for £65m, or as it was also put, ‘enough to run League Two for a year’ and Nathan Ake from Bournemouth as they try to get over a 2-5 loss to Leicester City that, a week later, looks a quite respectable defeat.

And Chelsea, after an enforced transfer hiatus, went very gung-ho with the £200m purchase of half a team including internationals Ben Chilwell, Kai Havertz and Timo Werner, as well as Tiago Silva on a free.

Manchester ones apart, those teams, plus Arsenal and Leicester – who also enjoyed a productive window – make up the current, albeit early, top 7 in the Premier League. City are down in 14th, but have a game in hand and will surely come good. United, are two places lower and their only win – at Brighton – came with a goal after the final whistle.

They are reportedly looking at bringing in Gunnersaurus in the next window. Ed Woodward has already come out and said they can afford any mascot they want.

Arsenal are hoping it happens as they then won’t have to pay all his redundancy money and they need every penny they can get if Mesut Ozil leaves in January and pulls his funding.

From the first Premier League season in 1992/93 until 2003/4, either Manchester United or Arsenal won the championship in11 of the 12 seasons. How the mighty have fallen. No wonder their fans are so upset with the way this last window has gone.

You would cry too if it happened to you.

words Darren Young, D3D4 columnist