Week 12: All The People, So Many People 

You know that parable where the two guys are being chased by a tiger and one of them stops to put on a pair of running shoes?

‘You’ll never outrun it, even wearing those’ says his companion.

‘I don’t have to outrun it’ comes the reply. ‘I only need to outrun you.’

We, humankind, are predisposed to look after ourselves. It’s an inbuilt reaction that has been inside us all since that tiger doing the chasing was a sabre-toothed one. And as we’re so hard-wired, it’s maybe a bit unfair that everyone (me included) has thrown shade on the panic-buying and people treating COVID-19 like a new Bank Holiday.

On that, one thing I don’t get is that about 99.9% of people think panic buying is deplorable and shouldn’t be done. So just who is doing it? The 0.1%? That’s a hell of a lot of toilet rolls, biscuits and Fairy liquid for such a small group. In a similar vein, on a radio poll earlier today, 78% of people think that people ignoring the lock-down should be arrested. The other 22% were hiking up Mount Snowdon.

But the point is, we look out for ourselves first and foremost. When we look for a job (remember them?) we don’t think of others first. We look for what we want, and that provides us with a living. If that job is about helping others (a teacher or nurse, for example) then that is a bonus – and possibly why we went into that career or profession. But the primary concern is me, me, me.

And there isn’t much wrong with that. Not only because it’s hardwired into us but because it actually makes sense…in many walks of life. Take football – as trivial as it is right now – as a classic example. We want to win, often at any cost, and we have little or no sympathy for others along the way. As Bury found out earlier this season, sentimentality and goodwill lasts as long as it takes to organise a vote on ‘who wants to put them in League Two next season, possibly at your expense’

The problem with selfishness isn’t necessary the selfishness – the taking care of one’s interests – itself; rather that, in the current circumstances, it doesn’t hold up so well because of the impact it has on others. Usually, no one notices or cares too much. If we don’t indicate when changing lanes or if we sneeze whilst waiting for a bus, we were once irritating at worst, not possibly about to infect ten people and maybe kill one.

So, we have to think differently and also behave differently too. Think of it as getting into good habits – we will be looking at things in a new light for the next decade or so, at least.

The lock-down should, in theory, be one of those changes that changes everything; that makes us appreciate the liberties and relatively high living standards we enjoy. That brings us all closer. However, the packed commuter trains and park-life suggest not that much has changed – except we are all closer.

In the town of my birth, the old joke went that – on a Saturday afternoon – if you followed the crowds, you’d end up at Woolworths rather than the football club. That’s possibly been replaced by Snowdonia now.

Or Brighton and Hove, Skegness or West Wittering.

But, in these non-footballing times, there shouldn’t be crowds anywhere. The police are already dispersing them in the street, or from other public places and I don’t think a massive queue outside Sainsburys is really what they mean by social distancing but it comes down to that word – or ones of similar meaning – again.

Selfish. But the very meaning of the word ‘lacking consideration for other people’ means that those that suffer from it won’t necessarily know it; as they don’t give a shit what others say or think to begin with.

The posters in the supermarkets and other stores say Think Of Others, or words to that effect as they try to restrict the numbers of items that people buy. The fact there are posters at all possibly speaks volumes. If people cared, or thought, about others more than we wouldn’t need posters or government warnings. That would be inbuilt instead of our urge to save ourselves.

But it’s not a tiny percentage that put themselves first. Most of us do, or would, whether we realise it or not.

There has been a lot of research as the full introduction of self-driving cars on the roads gets nearer. The current issues they have are about responsibility and accountability – for example, if a car was going to plough into something, would you rather it be a criminal or three kittens? Me too.

After years of gathering data, the main consensus that’s come out of it is that what we really want is to ‘own a self-driving car that makes our own survival it’s priority and for everyone else to own one that sacrifices the driver first to save more valuable members of society.’

In other words, we aren’t really prepared to think differently or at least, not very often, but occasionally we do.

An example of this happening in the current climate is the Ultimate QuarenTeam Cup, dreamt up by Leyton Orient I believe, and taking place from armchairs across the country. I am a fan of FIFA (the game), a fan of football and no lover of being quarantined inside for weeks on end, so in that sense, what’s not to like?

They initially wanted a 64-team competition but had to expand to 128 after so much interest from all over the world. The pick of the games included Benfica v Swindon, Grimsby v Motherwell, Orlando Pirates v FC Sion, Adelaide United v Wolves and my own club, Walsall, up against the digital might of AS Roma.

Some clubs, unfortunately, pulled out because of the – rather tenuous, I thought – link between Leyton Orient’s sponsor (Dream Team) and The Sun Newspaper. For me, that lacked a bit of perspective. This is much bigger than any feuds and distaste, it was an attempt to bring people together, despite the restrictions, the hardships, the pain and suffering for families on a global scale. We are in the midst of a massive crisis. We have something here, a modern-day nightmare that is widely despised by so many for the harm it is doing and not taken as seriously by others, who think it’s all a bit of a laugh. But enough about The Sun.

And in football, a win is a win. So I’ll happily admit to punching the isolated air of my dining room when the final score came through… Walsall 2 AS Roma 1. Now, Roma are pretty revered in the digital world so this felt like a big deal. In 1933, before FIFA or Football Manager was even invented, we beat Arsenal 2-0 in the FA Cup and that was, until possibly this week, our proudest result. For context, Arsenal supplied nearly all of England’s first XI at the time and were almost as invincible as The Invincibles, winning the league in 1931, 1933, 1934 and 1935 and FA Cup in 1930 and 1936, with the team that Herbert Chapman built (although he died suddenly in 1934 and didn’t get to see what he started). He did help to introduce floodlights, player numbers and the white sleeves on Arsenal’s shirts (to make them easier for teammates to spot and pass to). Imagine FIFA20 without at least two of those and it would be far worse for it.

Back on topic, and Roma were beaten by actual modern-day Walsall striker, Elijah Adebayo, who took the joystick and didn’t pick himself in the starting line up (he had seen himself shoot, I guess) but made a second-half substitute appearance in the giant-killing and continued, on-line, the form he’s shown recently on-grass.

It’s Middlesbrough next at home – although I’m not sure that’s too big an advantage in this competition – in the second round. The Roma game had – apparently – 5,000 viewers on a YouTube live stream (on a Monday afternoon). It also had interviews and soundbites and everything – ‘we stuck together (?) and we’ve beaten one of the best admins around’. Pretty much the same as what they said 87 years ago after dumping Chapman and the Gunners out of the cup.

No truth, I think, in the club looking at playing on Monday afternoons when football resumes but there is lots what can be learnt from this current experience. One is that it really shows up our good or our bad side.

There is no doubt that the values of people and organisations will be laid bare in the next few months. For every hotel that sacks (and evicts) it’s staff faster than you can say ‘bailout package’, there is another company that is doing the right thing for customers and staff. The approaches will be all along the spectrum, just as it is with individuals. I think there are three overall groups.

Do Things For Others – these are essentially the owner of the self-driving car that will sacrifice themselves for the greater good. They’ll be out buying groceries for their elderly neighbours when it happens.

Think Of Others – they will choose the criminal or the kittens, depending on their fondness for animals, or crime. They’ll try not to hoard bog roll or go out without a very good reason either.

Don’t Care – as long as they are okay, they will hit the criminal, then the kittens and then sue their owner for messing up their paintwork.

Think of this next time you’re in the supermarket queue for your weekly visit and it will keep you calmer, knowing it’s just their nature. The actual panic buying itself is an interesting take on human behaviour; a post-shop survey at one supermarket found that the vast majority were doing it because ‘everyone else was’.

It’s not the world’s greatest rationale (unless you’re a lemming) but again, it’s very much in line with the way we are hot-wired so maybe more understandable than we think. To give it a football-themed analogy, just think of how many songs get sung by other clubs’ fans because ‘everyone else is singing it.’

In fact, football is far from a leader when it comes to innovation and unique anything. It has a ‘see what happens to others’ attitude to lots of things. Look how far behind other sports it is when it comes to technology, for example, but there are many other changes that take years to get through, if they get through at all. Safe standing, anyone?

If there are upsides to all this locking down (and there aren’t that many) then maybe having time to think is one of them. We’re so preoccupied with the day-to-day, we rarely get a chance to think about anything else. Now we have more time, that’s no longer the case.

We can begin to think differently. We can even do things differently. It doesn’t have to be either the driver, the criminal or the kittens. It could be the Ultimate QuaranTeam Cup instead.

Next Time: Sometimes No News Is Better News  

words Darren Young, D3D4 columnist